Click to hear this sermon sermon070722

Today we're beginning a new series of sermons that I call "Home is Where Your Heart Is". Now, normally this type of sermon format isn't my forte, but for the next four sermons I'm going to look at different aspects of family life.

"Home is Where Your Heart Is: How to Create a Tight-Knit Family" Jack Keating Cicero United Methodist Church July 22, 2007 John 10: 22-30

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today we're beginning a new series of sermons that I call "Home is Where Your Heart Is". Now, normally this type of sermon format isn't my forte, but for the next four sermons I'm going to look at different aspects of family life.

When you read John 10:22-30, it is pretty obvious that Jesus is not specifically talking here about the nuclear family. But I think he is saying something that all families need to learn. He is talking about his relationship to his father and their relationship to us, the sheep. In the same way that Jesus relates to the father, and he and the father relate to us, we are to relate to one another. And I think we can learn from this passage how to build a stronger family.

Let's think first about what a family is. We all know the traditional idea is of a mom, dad, kids, and possibly a dog. The fact is though that only one out of every six people in the United States live in a traditional setting of one mom, being married to one dad, one time, with children from that marriage only. So, what about the remaining 84% of people, you ask? Is their family life doomed forever? No, of course not! If your home has been broken by death or divorce, God has not turned His back on you. Whatever family situation you find yourself in right now, God wants to help you be the strongest family you can possibly be.

Now, the U.S. Census Bureau defines a family as people who live in the same house. Others would define a family as people who share the same last name. But there is so much more to it than that! So today we're going to look at six characteristics of a tight-knit family.

First of all ..

1. A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY LISTENS TO ONE ANOTHER

Jesus said, "My sheep (or my family) listen to my voice."

The biggest obstacle in our personal communication is not the inability to say what's on our mind; it's the inability to listen as the other person says what's on his or her mind. Stephen Covey says, "Many people do not listen with intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply." This kind of listening isn't really listening at all. The book of Proverbs says, "He who answers before listening - that is his folly and shame." (Proverbs 18:13)

This proverb describes the way many parents listen to their children, and the way many spouses listen to one another. And this is why communication breaks down in many families.

Chris Conway is a single parent - the father of two teenage sons. The boys had gotten involved with a youth group and were very enthusiastic about it. Mr. Conway asked them what they liked about the group, and his older son answered, "We can tell the leaders really care about us by the way they listen to us." This surprised Conway, and he said, "I listen to you." His son said, "I know that. But you are always doing something else. All you ever say is 'yes' or 'no' or 'I'll think about it.' At that moment Chris Conway decided that he was going to focus on listening to his sons. At dinner each night, whenever one of the boys would speak, he would stop eating, set down his fork, turn to him and listen. This revolutionized his relationship with his sons. And since he spent so much time listening at the dinner table, he also lost fifteen pounds during the first five weeks! Most importantly though, the average length of their evening meal went from less than 10 minutes to almost 45 minutes. You see, the close-knit family listens to one another. Secondly, Don't you think it's amazing how people with the same last name can live in the same house for years and never really know anything about one another?

One time I spoke at a Confirmation retreat in another church and I spoke to the kids in the morning and their parents later on in the day. During the morning session I asked the kids a series of questions like, "What is your favorite color? What is your favorite TV show? How do you like to spend your spare time? Where would you like to go on vacation? Who is your favorite musician?" They wrote down their answers, signed their name, and gave me their papers. Later on that day, when I met with the parents, I gave them a test. As I read the responses to each question, I asked the parents to identify which one belonged to their child. Of the more than two dozen parents there, only a handful- maybe 3 or 4 - got it right, and I think they were guessing! These people shared the same last name, and lived in the same house, but they were strangers to their own children.

One reason the TV show Frasier was so popular is that people could relate to it. The premise of the show is that a father and son who know nothing about each other - and are as different as night and day - end up living together. And the series is primarily about how these two grown men - father and son - are finally getting to know one another.

Jesus said about his sheep, "I know them." The great news of the gospel is that our relationship with God is personal...it's intimate ... and God wants to be close to us, and for US to be close to Him. He says, "I know you." And the same bond we share with Him ... he wants us to share with others.

My brother moved out of the house 27 years ago, and we now live some 4000 miles apart. We don't get to see each other nearly enough, and we only seldom touch base on the telephone. But it's amazing how when we are together we never run out of things to talk about. Sometimes he will suggest that I read a certain book or watch a certain movie and usually I can know I'm going to like it. And sometimes something funny will happen and I have to call him and share it with him because only he will appreciate the humor in the situation. This is because we know each other. A family is more than just a group of people that live together, a family takes time to get to know one another. Thirdly ...

3. A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY IS SUBMITTED TO THE LORDSHIP OF JESUS CHRIST.

There is an important distinction in teaching children obedience. It's not a case of my children having to live by my rules, it's a case of our whole family being under the authority of Christ and living by His rules.

Jesus said, "My sheep follow me." There is an understanding that we have a path to follow; we're not making our own rules or calling our own shots. We have a standard to live by, and that standard has been established by Jesus.

My kids used to hear me preach every Sunday. Hopefully they learned a little bit about their faith in the process. Their greatest lessons, when they were young however, were not learned in the pew. They were learned at the soccer field where I was a coach. Each summer night at practice and Saturday morning during the game, my kids got a microscopic look at how serious I was about following Christ. They saw how well I took losing, how well I took winning, how fair I was to the less gifted players, whether or not I showed favoritism to my own kids, whether or not I coached with a "win at all costs" mentality, how I responded to criticism and on and on. They've seen me get off track and get back on track. They have seen me make principled decisions that were based on priorities other than winning. Throughout the whole process they got to see first hand that I'm not Iiving according to my own ides of right and wrong. I am submitted to the Lordship of Christ, and the rules that I challenge them to live by are the same rules that I strive to follow. Next ...

4. A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY HAS SPIRITUAL VALUES.

Jesus said, "I give them eternal life."

In 1987 Larry Norman wrote these words in a song called Somewhere Out There, written to his son.... "Every night I'm praying that the second birth, will someday be the first thing on your mind."

Jesus doesn't just want us to be happy; he wants US to be holy. He teaches us that there is more to life than meets the eye. We are to live with an eternal perspective. It's not enough for your children to get into the right school and make good grades and get a good job and earn lots of money. If your children don't learn spiritual values at home - if they don't learn to live with an eternal perspective - they will not be prepared to face the world as an adult.

If you know anything at all about college football, you will remember the reputation the Oklahoma Sooner football program had in the 1980's. To put it bluntly, it was a program out of control. Recruiting rules were ignored, and players were at the same time pampered and exploited. A significant percentage of players never made it to graduation; more than a few found themselves in serious legal trouble, facing charges of rape, robbery, drug possession, drug dealing, assault with a deadly weapon and so on. Someone once joked that University officials should work out a deal with prison officials so that players could keep the same number in prison that they wore on the field! Barry Switzer had not exactly built a program known for its academic excellence; he was no Greg Robinson. Barry in fact once joked that the reason OU has a recruiting advantage over state rival OSU was because the name of his school was easier to spell!

Into this program came J.C. Watts. He played quarterback for the Sooners, and led them to consecutive Orange Bowl victories. Watts was exposed to the same life-style that ambushed so many other careers, but it didn't phase him. He graduated with a degree in journalism, and went on to play in the Canadian Football league. Eventually, he went back to Oklahoma and ran for public office. He was elected to the US House of Representatives where he served in several leadership positions, has spoken at the Republican National Convention, and is now an ordained Baptist pastor.

What made the difference in this man's life? His answer is his family. J.C. Watts is the son of a pastor, and his home life was more than just religious, it was spiritual. He grew up knowing he had a call on his life to serve God. When you hear him talk today, you quickly discover that he saw his political life as more of a ministry than a career. This is because he grew up in a family committed to spiritual values that taught him to live life with an eternal perspective. Next ...

5. A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY OFFERS ONE ANOTHER SECURITY.

Jesus has a long term commitment to his sheep. He doesn't consider you part of the fold just as long as it's convenient to him. As for as he is concerned, your relationship with him is here to stay. He said, "No one can snatch them out of my hand."

Always remember that God's love for you is not based on your own goodness. Paul said, "God demonstrates his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

A high school student once said to me, "I've been saved nine times." Imagine that! He was 16 years old, and in his opinion he had fallen in and out of grace nine times! He believed, I think, that he was part of God's family only as long as he was perfect. Every time he failed, he was sure that God had disowned him.

But this is not how God treats His children. He says, "No one can snatch you out of my hand." There is security in our relationship with Him. In the same way, there should be security in our family relationships. Children need to hear the message: "There is nothing you could do that could make me stop loving you ... You are, and always will be, an important part of this family." And lastly ...

6. A TIGHT-KNIT FAMILY HAS A BOND OF UNITY.

Jesus said, "I and the father are one."

When he said this, he was asserting his divinity. He was saying, "I am God in the flesh." He was also saying, "I and the father are of one mind and purpose." There is a unity of purpose between the father and the son, and being in God's family means that we share that purpose. God's purpose is that all the world should come to know Christ, and as members of God's family, that is our purpose as well.

You've heard the old saying" A family that prays together stays together." There is truth in this saying. When a family pursues common interests they are strengthened in unity.

I heard a man named David Parker give a speech called" Multi-Level Marketing Saved My Marriage". And he was serious. He had, it seems, lost his job and the family was under tremendous financial pressure. As a result, his marriage became rocky and he was losing his grip on his home life. Then he signed up in a multilevel business. He convinced his wife that this was the answer to their money problems. They recruited their children to help them run the business. They sectioned off part of their house as a work area and spent hours together filling orders. As their business grew, and their financial problems began to disappear, they found out that they had gained something more valuable than money; family unity. His story is about much more than "how to get rich in multilevel marketing". It's a lesson about the power of family unity.

As families we should do things together that everyone in the family will enjoy ... to go places together where everyone will have a good time ... to get involved in a project that everyone believes in. This strengthens the bond of family unity, and helps the family become more than just a group of people with the same address - it helps them develop into a team.

The relationship between Jesus and his father, and their relationship to us, are our examples of how we are to live as families. Our families should also be characterized by listening to one another, knowing one another, being obedient to Christ together, growing spiritually together, accepting one another unconditionally, and sharing a common purpose together.

It comes down to this; A family is more than just a group of individuals with the same last name or the same address. A family is a team, a group of people committed to one another, who are "for" one another. The message of the gospel is that God is "for" us; the hope of the family is that together we remain committed to him and committed to one another.